i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
