The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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