You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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