gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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