so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Come share oat with me in your robe
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
