No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
