Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
he fucked my hip out of place.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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