so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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