Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
