No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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