can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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