i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
