I faked an abortion last night.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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