hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
