He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
