shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
