My Higher Power is John Stamos
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
