I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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