Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
