when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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