Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
