six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
