I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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