You're so nebulous sometimes
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
