She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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