And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
