Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
