I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
