I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
