It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
