Ambien. No doubt about it.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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