We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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