I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
