This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
