Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
