I hate all girls vehemently.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
