Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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