I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
