Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
