look no pants
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
