How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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