Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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