Please, let me fuck your mom
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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