i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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