Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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