I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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