woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Brb crying the tears of my youth
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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