Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
i think i just lost a toe
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
