i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
