Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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