i would punch a child for taco bell
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
