maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
