People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
