i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
