there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
